Communication is another common topic of coaching sessions. This could be in relation to wanting to improve expressing yourself more generally, or could involve communication difficulties with a particular person (e.g. family member, partner) or at a particular place (e.g. work, sports team, home).

There have been a lot of ideas, books, courses, and social media content produced on the topic of communication and it can be difficult to know where to start, what is valuable, and what will work best for you. As I prepared this post I found that even the origin of some famous quotes on communication such as “It is better to be silent and thought a fool, than to speak and remove all doubts.” are in contention.

My own exploration of communication began with wanting to understand the psychology and thinking behind communication. ‘Thinking, fast and slow’ by Daniel Kahneman (2011), is a book I often look to when I want to remind myself of the biases in human thought that I need to be aware of when I communicate. Studying psychology at undergraduate level gave me a sense of the importance of non-verbal communication (body movements, gestures, facial expressions, touch) and how your voice (tone, pace, volume) has a great impact on how somebody receives the message you are trying to communicate. Then communicating with different personality types is something that became important to me in the world of work and helped open my eyes to how subtle changes can help both parties understand each other better. At present, negotiating skills is my current area of interest in communication. From a lifetime of seeking answers, these are the resources I would recommend:

Non-Verbal Communication and Voice

An interesting read which examines communication in the context of ‘pick-up artists’ can be found in ‘The Game’ by Neil Strauss (2005). I particularly enjoyed the break down of what is communicated non-verbally and how even the angle you approach somebody can impact how you and your message are perceived (Strauss, 2005). It also delves into how your voice affects the message you are trying to convey and breaks down more complex topics such as neuro-linguistic programming, where it is believed that subconscious responses can be initiated through words and movements (Strauss, 2005).

Communicating with Different Personality Types

The modern workplace seems to often look at the DISC (Dominance, Influence, Steadiness, and Conscientiousness) personality style profiles for sales training. This breaks down people into these four main styles (with the recognition that we are all a mixture of the four, but one personality style is often more salient) and provides you with ways to communicate effectively with them given your own style. An identical approach, but labelled differently and explained in a way that is easier to remember, is provided in the book ‘Surrounded by Idiots’ by Thomas Erikson (2014). The book provides a lot of useful examples as well as theory for communication between Red, Blue, Yellow, and Green personality types and shows how misunderstandings can be avoided. This book is a great first step for anybody wanting to improve their communication skills.

Negotiating

My first step into exploring negotiating as a communication skill has begun with the book ‘Never Split the Difference’ by Chris Voss (2016). As a former FBI negotiator, Voss provides some amazing stories regarding negotiating while breaking down the key skills he has found effective (with an excellent ‘summary sheet’ at the end to help keep the skills fresh in your mind). This has become a popular book and in a modern society that at times feel polarized, some of the advice in this book may give you an edge in negotiating in some situations or at least allow you to reflect on the processes at play.

Final Word

Communicating well can be complex but definitely can improve with knowledge, a strategy, and practising. Finally, I sometimes reflect on how each generation adapts their communication as new technology is introduced and I will be monitoring how the rise of AI influences how we communicate in the coming years.

REFERENCES

Erikson, T. (2014). Surrounded by Idiots. Penguin Books.

Kahneman, D. (2011). Thinking, Fast and Slow. Penguin Books.

Strauss, N. (2005). The Game. The Text Publishing Company.

Voss, C. (2016). Never Split the Difference. Penguin Books.