It was in a Social Anthropology course titled ‘Ritual & Belief’ in my second year of university that I first came across the hypothesis that it was modern societies lack of a ritual to mark the transition from ‘boy to man’ that was the cause of a number of psychological and sociological issues faced by men. What is a real man? When are you a man? I thought about this again in 2009 when I picked up a book ‘How to drive a tank … and other everyday tips for the modern gentleman’ (Coles, 2009) which covered everything from how to hot wire a car to the meaning of life. Yes, it did include how to drive a tank. Some of the tips on learning languages, finance, and mental health have served me well, but a large part of the book would likely be ridiculed for ‘toxic masculinity’ by today’s cultural standards. Having said that, the current climate may be entering a ‘post-woke’ society as conservative politicians gain traction particularly in the USA. Is the idea of what a ‘real man’ is changing again?

A number of commentators fear the influence that Andrew Tate, Donald Trump, Joe Rogan, Jordan Peterson, and others with large followings on various social media platforms are having on young men. The move to censorship of such individuals at times, rather than engaging in open debate, seems only to have increased their popularity. Some social media influencers argue that men are born without value, and that is why their life is much different and perhaps too focused on the accumulation of resources. Perhaps this could be another factor in modern society that is affecting men’s health, particularly as the inequality gap between rich and poor people grows.

More moderate voices on the state of men such as Chris Williamson are also criticized even though they appear to be genuinely advocating for men. Chris Williamson in a YouTube short on ‘Men’s Mental Health’ concludes that men are not seen as having problems, but are seen as being the problem. Williamson notes men’s suicide rates have been increasing since 2010, men are less likely to go to college or buy a home, and men are more likely to be vulnerable to addiction and loneliness (the sources are not identified although I believe he is referring to the UK). Williamson also comments that young men are moving away from the left-wing, although not from supporting gender equality.

So where do you turn to these days for advice on how to be a man? Returning to ‘How to drive a tank …’, Coles (2009) suggests that instead of asking ‘What is the meaning of life?’, you should be asking ‘What is the meaning of my life?’. Perhaps this same perspective could be applied to ‘What is a real man?’ by asking ‘What is my view of what a real man is?’ or even ‘What sort of man do I want to be?’. These are the types of challenging questions that can be explored further with life coaching.

Note: For those wondering how to drive a tank, Coles (2009) notes that the pedals are like a manual car (clutch, brake, accelerator), but there are two steering levers – one for the right track and one for the left, each with a braking position in the middle. To go left put the left lever in the middle braking position and push the right lever forward so the right tracks will continue moving, turning you left (Coles, 2009). Do the opposite to go right.

REFERENCES

Coles, F. (2009). How to drive a tank … and other everyday tips for the modern gentleman. Little, Brown.