Happiness frequently comes up for discussion in coaching sessions. Happiness is often viewed as an experience or feeling, so is it something you need to work at? How do you design your life to get the most happiness?

We can all feel intuitively that happiness must mean different things to different people, and that what makes us happy will likely change over time. Coaching can give you space to explore what makes you happy now, and what you might like to do to increase your happiness at whatever stage of life you are in.

My own journey of understanding happiness further was helped by the free edX course ‘Managing Happiness’ compiled by Harvard University. The course claims that happiness is definitely something that can be measured and improved, you have the ability to improve your own happiness, and happiness increases in strength when you share it with other people. The course is not too long, but still has great scope of the different facets of happiness and explores ideas from Aristotle to modern research such as the role ‘grit’ plays in happiness. In particular, the happiness equation (Happiness = Enjoyment + Satisfaction + Meaning) is something that makes sense to me and that I reflect on regularly. What I like most about the course, is that the authors encourage you to share what you have learned with others because of the effect mentioned above (sharing happiness leads to more happy people which reinforces your own happiness).

Another fantastic resource is the book ‘The Key to Happiness’ (2017) by Meik Wiking. Wiking was the founder of the first ‘Happiness Research Institute’ in the world and after years of research has concluded that there are six key areas that make people happy (2017, Wiking). Maintaining a balance between these six areas (togetherness, money, health, freedom, trust, and kindness) can lead to a more purposeful and happy life (2017, Wiking). I found this book to be great in terms of thinking about the external influences of happiness and how our actions in our social environments can influence our happiness.

There is another element to happiness involving our internal thought process. It is here that positive psychology and overly positive thinking have been criticized. The complexity of the human brain, its shortcuts, and relics of evolutionary instinct can often act in ways that do not make us happy. Finally, feeling happy all the time is just not realistic. This is where I find ‘The Happiness Trap Pocketbook’ (2013) by Dr Russ Harris & Bev Aisbett to be useful. This is a brief illustrated guide (made to be read in around 1.5 hours – because if you are not in a happy place, reading can be difficult) that summarizes the key ideas from ‘The Happiness Trap’ (2007) by Dr Russ Harris. It does a great job of succinctly myth busting ideas around happiness that are misleading and inaccurate, and gives you tools and strategies using ACT (Acceptance & Commitment Therapy) to reduce stress and worry, break self-defeating habits, develop self-compassion and self-acceptance, overcome imposter syndrome, and handle painful thoughts and feelings more effectively. One of the key ideas is that no thought we have in or of itself is problematic, a thought only becomes problematic if we ‘fuse’ with it (Harris & Aisbett, 2013). Instead of focusing on whether a thought about ourselves is true or not, we need to look at whether holding on to that thought will help us or not (Harris & Aisbett, 2013).

Of course, if you are struggling with happiness and feel this is a constant theme in your life then an appointment with a Doctor or Counsellor is where you should start. This is essential especially if you feel there is something in your past that is preventing you moving forward. It is an ethical responsibility of a coach to consider if a referral to another professional to discuss depression or similar symptoms is needed.

REFERENCES

Harris, R. & Aisbett, B. (2013). The Happiness Trap Pocketbook. Exisle Publishing.

Wiking, M. (2017). The Key to Happiness. Penguin Random House.